Shall we first break down your problems in manageable chunks? This increases the opportunities for finding creative solutions and taking action with the most appropriate remedies. To deal with problem of being bored in 'life' or your relationship, ask yourself the questions below, so that you can get to the root of the problem.
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Are you bored with 'life'?
Do you have good relationships with other people? Do you consider yourself boring? Do you feel bored with life in general? Are you bored in your job? Do you generate excitement in your life yourself? Are you dependent on other people to create excitement for you? If you felt better in yourself, would you feel better in the relationship?
Taking control and dealing with your personal problems positively first makes it much more likely that you are able to make the most of any relationship. You will know now which problems require your attention if you want to be in the driving seat of your life. Relying totally on other people to make us feel better has the potential to leave us feeling helpless.
Is your partner the problem?
Does your partner bore you? Would your partner describe you as boring? Could your partner be bored in the relationship too? Is your partner actively engaging in the relationship?
A 'yes' to these questions requires a conversation with your partner. You may have already discussed the problem, maybe even several times. If so, and there has been no improvement, your relationship may not last. If you have not talked about it, then pluck up the courage - visit my pages on 'relationship communication' and 'when everything is an argument' to make a good start.
Is your relationship at the root of the problem?
Are you actually engaging in the relationship? How committed are you really? Has the relationship gone past it's first stage of excitement? Are you able to deal with that inevitable change? Are you having an affair? Are you actually thinking of ending the relationship? Do you/your partner/both have sexual relationship problems?
Several of the questions relate to you personally, requiring you to take personal responsibility for your role in the relationship. However, if you have answered 'yes' to these questions, you and your partner need to have a conversation. Most women, not all, find it much easier to have these kinds of conversations - our brains are wired differently, so do refer to my page on relationship communication.
Can you identify any patterns?
Have you felt bored before in previous relationships? Has that happened at a similar stage, if so? Does the problem of feeling bored occur in cycles?
These questions require you to think about what has happened before. Our brain works by the way of matching patterns. This happens at an unconscious level, but if you can create a conscious awareness you are more likely to be able to get to the root of the problem. Do consider counselling to help you sort out these patterns; particularly a human givens therapist may be able to help you get a grip on this problem.
What exactly are your expectations?
All too often we set ourselves up for failure: we think that we have to be 'soul mates' (which has different meanings for different people), because the other person loves us he/she will do whatever to satisfy us. We have ever increasing expectations of ourselves and our partners as parents, which may or may not be reasonable. We want life, and by implication our partner, ideally to be perfect. Too often we think that we can change the other person if not 'perfect' in our eyes.
Read on for ideasto bring new energy in your relationship.
