Relationship communication skills for arguing couples
Are you fed up with all the fights? Effectivecommunicationis at the heart of any relationship, personal, professional and business. You cannot not communicate--without uttering a sound, your body language 'leaks' information. Nonverbal communication is as important as the words spoken and an effective listener takes note of that to enhance his/her understanding of others. Read on to learn how active listening can improve your relationship communication and how you can become an effective listener. See also when everything is an argument and dealing with criticism.
Prepare to improve relationship communication
Beinggenuinelyinterested in the other person is essential for active listening. A lack of interest will 'leak out' regardless of how much you try to improve your listening skills. Furthermore, if it is a planned conversation:
ensure the timing suits the other person deal with potential interruptions in advance avoid distraction from mobile devices or monitors decide that everything that happens is feedback remember to set a follow-up date
Part of advanced or active listening
Blend learned communication techniques with your natural style Face the other person from a slight angle Make eye contact without staring Match your body position a little - angle of your spine, arms, legs Avoid fidgeting, it distracts Match your tone of voice and pitch subtly to the other person Match your speed of talking just a little Be open and inviting, relaxed and positive Suspend any judgements
8 Tips to encourage someone to say more
Really concentrate on what the other person is saying. Ask questions gently, don't interrogate or 'interview'. Ask for clarification if you don't understand something. Ask themtoexpand e.g. "can you say a little more about that?" Feed back any feelings you pick up: "You sound angry/hurt". Leave space for the other person to gather their thoughts. Avoid filling in silences too quickly. Don't form counter-arguments in your head whilst listening.
Show that you are genuinely interested Repeat in your own words what you think you have heard. Acknowledge that you are following them; say things like: "Uhuh" Use occasional non-verbal signals such as: nodding and smiling Feed back any feelings you pick up: "You sound angry/hurt". Feedback in your own words what you think you have heard periodically (paraphrasing) Summarise your understanding of what has been said
Paraphrasing (repeating in your own words what the other person has said) will help to ensure that you are beginning to 'get the picture' and to remember more easily what was said. Importantly it also helps the other person to feel valued.
Really interested in relationship communication? Other forms of communication are: - body language - voice: tonality, pitch - age appropriate language - 1st or 2nd/3rd language - talking: speed, fluency - general demeanour - dress
Listen optimistically
If you listen in the hope, belief, and mental set that you will gain value from the experience, you enormously increase the probability that your mind will find valuable relationships. In addition, the whole process of listening will become increasingly enjoyable.
Tony Buzan
"Make the most of your mind" (Pan, 1988)
What if you don't understand something?
Check that your understanding is wrong/right Ask for clarification if you don't understand something Don't make assumptions Ensure you stay calm Breathout slowly if you feel yourself becoming emotional Accept you may not understand all--that need not stop you listening.
Communication in a relationship can be really tricky. The way that you communicate can make all the difference, particularly when you are going through a crisis. Counselling or coaching can really make the difference. Contact me if you would like to improve your relationship communication.
