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Choose the right time and place |
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"Set the scene" , create a comfortable atmosphere Ensure that you are not going to be disturbed |
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Present the problem in a constructive way |
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Work out beforehand what you want to say Write it down if necessary Read the page on criticism Think about how you are going to say it Practice your response to possible reactions |
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Stay with the subject |
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Be specific, focus on a particular issue Do not confuse the issue by referring to other people and events Be brief, if you really need to refer to past events Only use a couple of examples of behaviour to illustrate |
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Be prepared to compromise |
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First take equal time in explaining your position fully Then ask for help in sorting this problem out Accept that you can not have it all your own way Say what you are willing to give up |
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Consider meeting in a neutral place |
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Give your partner plenty of time to express him/herself Only interrupt to take a break if either of you becomes over-emotional Listening does not imply that you agree Listen to identify the problem underlying the feelings Repeat what you think you have heard in your own words, so that you Check that you understand as much as possible Summarising lets the other know that you have paid attention Ask the other person to do the same for you |
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Be prepared to listen |
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Ultimately, if a compromise cannot be reached, the person for whom the issue is least important can 'invest' in the relationship by allowing the other to have it their way. |
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Resolve to stay calm The more emotional we become the more primitive our thoughts and the less refined our feelings. |
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Win-win negotiation instead of anger, blame, criticism and rows |
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Everybody and every situation is different call me for counselling, advice and support. |
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Home Human Givens Relationship help Dealing with an ending Your mental well-being Helping you to recover Counselling or therapy Links |
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Elly Prior, HG Dip P, Cert CC Relate, MHGI, MBACP (Accred) Human Givens Therapist Gillingham, Kent, UK Tel.: (+44) 01634 856176 Email |
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'Learning from Wonderful Lives' The first self-help book by Dr FeelGood of The Times. |
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Updated: 16/02/06 |