How to end a relationship - finishing without 'dumping', ending with care

How to end a relationship

finishing without 'dumping' - ending with care

What NOT to do to end a relationship

Text with the message that the relationship is over

Leave a message on an answer machine

Telephone with a view to end the relationship during the conversation

Let someone else pass the message on

Cut of all contact that person without first giving an explanation

Become antagonistic in the hope that your partner will dump you

Start an another relationship/affair

Repeatedly give excuses for your unavailability before ending

Avoid your partner if you have not made it clear that it is finished

Avoid conversations with your partner about your relationship

Finish a relationship in a public place

End it just before your partner is due to meet other people

Tell other people of your intend to end it before your partner

Expect that you can end a relationship without anybody feeling hurt

Instigate the break-up of the relationship during a row

Chicken out of ending the relationship, when you really know it is over

Are you thinking of ending your relationship?

Have you lost interest?

Does your partner want to break up the relationship?

Ending the relationship or confronted with the break-up?

Whatever your circumstances, the reason you are visiting this page is likely to be that you feel at the very least 'uncomfortable' about a present relationship - perhaps you feel you should finish the relationship, cannot wait to end it if only you knew how, or you have been putting the break-up off for too long. Or are you the one to feel that you have been 'dumped'?

I have often been amazed at the lack of care and consideration given to the ending of a relationship. The most quoted reasons why someone has difficulties moving on from a broken relationship is not understanding why and/or not having been given sufficient opportunity to talk it over.

Breaking up a relationship responsibly needs time and consideration.

If you are in an abusive relationship, visit the BBC 's "Hitting Home" for further information.

How do you end a relationship?

Ending a relationship in a way that preserves your and your partner's dignity can be difficult to do. However, depending on your circumstances you may need to stay in touch for a short period of time if you have to divide your possesions, a longer period if you have to sell your home and for the rest of your life if you have children, so consideration is needed.

It is likely that when you arrive at the decision to end a long-term relationship, you will have gone through different stages, which to some extend can also be seen in shorter relationships. If, however, you are unsure about the relationship, discuss it with your partner and get help. Equally, if you have seen the ending of several relationships, it may be worth taking stock with the help of a counsellor.

Before ending the relationship

Arrange a time and place where you can talk, somewhere quiet

Ensure that you are not going to be disturbed

Say in advance that there is something important that you want to discuss

Accept that you partner may express strong feelings, just quietly listen

Consider in advance if you yourself might also become upset, particularly after a long relationship, and what support you might need

Read the pages on communication skills

Ideally you will already have discussed the problems in your relationship

Ideally you should know how your partner feels

Here are some ideas that might help you to preserve both your dignity and your, soon to be, ex-partner's, bearing in mind that some apply only if you are not living together and that you are not in an abusive relationship. I cannot of course cover every eventuality, so do call me to discuss your individual circumstances..