Have you just been told it is over? You are probably feeling utterlydevastated. Perhaps you had an idea it was coming or you had no inkling at all and it came as a complete shock.
However painful, it is normal to feel traumatised. A break up can be even more devastating after a long-term relationship. Even the partner 'causing' the break up or divorce can feel deeply bereft by the ending, depending on the circumstances.
Of course you will want to recover as soon as possible. However, you can expect to feel completely knocked of your perch for a while. Depending on your make-up and your individual circumstances, you can expect to:
feel you have the symptoms of a nervous breakdown suffer from the physical effects of lack of sleep as well as mental feel tired a lot of the time, often waking up exhausted feel confused, unable to concentrate feel hugelyirritable - snapping at the slightest experience a change in appetite: comfort eating or eating very little have digestive problems: feeling sick, 'stomach' pains have an appalling memory have lost interest in the things you used to enjoy have the same thoughts going round and round in your mind feel completely unable to organise your thinking 'revisit' old memories, wondering if you had 'it' wrong
However painful, under the circumstances all of this is normal. It will all begin to settle within a couple of months. Periods of feeling relatively OK will increase in frequency and length, over time.
Factors affecting your recovery
Breaking up with a partner when you have not been living together can be utterly devastating.
However, when there are possessions and or/children, the whole business of a break up, separation and divorce becomes so much messier. How quickly you will recover depends on a large extend on the following factors:
- whether or not this is the first break up you have experienced - whether or not you are waiting for divorce proceedings - whether you have children - how well you each behave towards the other - whether there are other stresses in your life - how supportive people at work are - how supportive your family and friends are - whether or not you have property to divide
Top tips to help you recover from a break up or divorce
Can I suggest that you read overcoming depression without medication? You will find lots of tips on how to deal with the dark days. I would really suggest that you get some help for yourself too. My clients often say that being able to talk things over with someone not connected is making such a difference. You may also like to read more about dealing with separation and divorce by visiting the page on divorce counselling. The depression free method may be of help if you are really feeling depressed.
