Your sexual relationship

overcoming problems with sex

Is your sexual relationship causing problems?

Often, a couple's sexual relationship has become all but non-existent by the time they come for counselling. This may be the result of the general malaise in the relationship or because long-standing problems with sex were the primary cause of the relationship difficulties. With regards to the latter: the advice is to seek appropriate professional help, starting with your family doctor and if physically all is well, a psychosexual therapist.

If your relationship is in trouble, you and/or your partner are feeling resentful, angry, hurt - it is unlikely that you will be having a loving, satisfying sexual relationship. The problems need to be addressed, not by trying to encourage your partner to make love more often, or by trying the avoid the subject, but by questioning what is going wrong between the two of you and doing something positive to sort it out.

Common problems

Men

Pain

Tightening of the vagina

Problem reaching orgasm

Not interested in sex

Women

Erectile problems

Difficulties with ejaculation

Not interested in sex

Many people see it as a failure having to consult someone for their relationship problems, let alone having to ask for help with sexual problems. If that is the case for you too, it may help to do some reading, so that you become more comfortable with the language of sex.

A counsellor or psychosexual therapist however will aim to put you at ease right from the first contact. He/she will help you to express yourself in whatever words feel right for you.

"It's supposed to be natural"

What next?

Expand your knowledge and understanding by reading

Visit netdoctor - sex and relationships

Contact a psychosexual therapist, if the rest of your relationship is good or, if your relationship is in trouble:

Contact a couple counsellor

To start you off

Here are some ideas to help you talk about sex--to help you get to know yourself and you partner better:

How did you learn about sex?

What were your parents' attitudes to sex?

Have you played any games that had a sexual element with your siblings/friends, as a child?

What was your first sexual experience like?