Avoid the worst with counselling for separation or divorce
Divorce counselling can really help you through a very turbulent and painful time. You may feel that your husband/wife is pulling all the strings, whilst you feel completely out of control and frightened. It may seem that you are 'abandoned' in some kind of 'no-man's land' waiting for the next onslaught of bad news. Life after a separation often resembles a roller coaster ride with all its foreseeable and unforeseeable ups and downs, twists and turns before the final Decree Nisi.
The ending of a relationship and divorce counselling
Separation and/or divorce can be a lengthy process, during which it is most important to keep the channels of communication open. Communicating effectively when you are both emotional can be tricky, but is vital if you have children. You may be splitting up, but you are going to be parents the rest of your lives.
What happens in (separation) divorce counselling?
By the time they come to see a counsellor, one partner may have been preparing to leave/end the marriage for some time. He/she often still 'cares', but only like a brother/sister. The other feels as if the world around them has collapsed. Both are on different time-scales, and their needs, in counselling and at home, are very different. The partner/husband/wife wanting to leave wants distance, afraid that any show sympathy may be seen as a sign of hope that separationor divorce can be averted. The other desperately needs the comfort of a close attachment, asking questions, wanting answers, commitment, and reassurance.
A counsellor offering divorce counselling should be able to help you to:
understand normal reactions to stress and loss explore the possible reasons for the break-up understand what might be going on for you and your partner now communicate effectively with your partner help you to explore sources of support advice you of appropriate services identify and access your own personal resources communicate with the most important people in your life advice you on how to support the children re-engage with life and find new meaning
A new relationship stands a better chance of flourishing , if sufficient time, care and consideration is given to the ending of the previous relationship, including reflection on what might have caused the break-up.
