How stress causes relationship problems and vice versa
Problems in your relationship can be one of the biggest causes of stress. This can happen through a drip-drip effect, constantly criticismor a crisis, such as an affair. Avoiding issues that are causing stress is a very temporary solution. However, it could cause long-term relationship problems. Stress from sources outside of the relationship will affect the way that you feel, think and behave. This can also cause relationship problems.
Offering or asking for support from your partner
If you are suffering from stress unrelated to your relationship, be sure to take responsibility for your own recovery. However, ideally your partner/spouse should offer you support. If he/she appears unable to do so, it may be that their own well-being is not good - perhaps through adverse family circumstances or stress at work. It could also be that he/she interprets your grumpiness as your being angry with him/her. Suffering from stress long-term may therefore come at a cost to your relationship/marriage. Be sure to keep the channels of communication open.
How you can make a start with getting better
Perhaps now is the time to sort out your relationship problems. Continuing to do what you have always done, or have frequently tried, is unlikely to change anything. If you blame your partner/spouse, other people or 'the situation', you get trapped into feeling helpless. You also waste precious energy on stuff you have no control over.
7 Tips for dealing with stress
If you are stressed:
accept thatyour partner cannot read your mind! visit other relationship pages for help, support and advice visit the page on stress and anxiety calm yourself - only then can you come up with solutions write down your thoughts will help you to be more objective engage in meaningful and enjoyable activities deal with external sources of stress--your relationship/marriage is too important
Helping your partner to cope with stress
Encourage him/her to do the above. Accept that your partner is going to react and solve problems differently than you would, even if you don't like or understand it! State clearly if something is really unacceptable to you. Act like a sounding board and refrain from making judgements. Only give advice when asked for. Accept that you and your partner's time scale may be very different!
4 steps to reducing stress in your relationship
Supporting someone? Be aware that what might comfort you, might increase someone else's stress levels! Support them in what they find helpful at least in the early stages, as long as they are not putting themselves or anyone else at risk.
Introvert or extravert When stressed, an introvert (someone who is more at ease with their own thoughts and feelings) is more likely to be soothed by peace and quiet, and solitary activities.
An extrovert (someone who likes going out, getting involved and being with other people) is more likely to cope by engaging in lively activities.
We are all on a continuum between introvert and extrovert and ideally working towards finding a balance.
Talk about what you both have achieved in all areas of your life. Write it all down and do not judge: this is your starting block (include 'ordinary' every day achievements). Decide what you are going to do to build on that Break your goals down into small, measurable/tangible steps Set review dates 1 week, 1 month and 3 months ahead
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How to 'inoculate' yourself against stress
Psychological health depends to a large extend on whether you are able to meet your most basic emotional needs by the appropriate use of your innate resources. Adopt a pro-active approach to your psychological well-being. This will help to lower your stress levels in all areas of your life, including your relationship.
How manage stress in your relationship
Clearly you are unlikely to eliminate all stresses in your marriage/relationship. However, since relationship problems are one of the biggest causes of stress, it makes sense to deal with those. Instead of hoping and wishing, why not get some counselling. Contact me for some telephonecounselling. It will be a relief to be able to talk things through!
